FORD's political self immolation, Comedy, and Tragedy

FORD's is an incredible political self immolation.

We stand transfixed by the sheer horror of it.

But the senate scandal?
The Liberal gas plant cancellation fee of $1 Billion?
Our environmental misdeeds, and the climate fallout that becomes more obvious by the year?

The corrupt financial system that will affect the lives of all of us?
Markets, scandal, corruption? LIBOR rigging? Market manipulation?
Unchecked monetization of debt?

The outrage against FORD stands out for its ultimate pettiness by comparison to other substantive issues that will make the uttering of the word "pussy" seem irrelevant. But we cannot pull ourselves away from it.

To be sure, the crack and alcohol (an addiction) and the crudeness ( unbecoming a politician), the too close for comfort ties to other criminals, its all bad but still minor in the scheme of things.

 Its all about control and power really.

The public has seized upon Ford's potty mouth as a great crime against humanity, tasteless and incredible.

But what about the real crimes, the ones that affect each and every one of us? They are just too big to grasp or handle.

Here is a reality check...

We were a group of whitewater enthusiasts who wanted to draw attention to the government of Canada methodically picking apart environmental protections and unilaterally taking away a universal right of navigation on Canada's lakes, rivers and streams.  We could only muster two hundred supporters at best on Parliament Hill. We lost our case and I still don't know why. Our reputations were affected. No body cared, or noticed.

Say the word "pussy" and the world stares in horror.

It reminds me of a controversial commercial, a young street kid is saying...

"If I told you I was hungry... you wouldn't notice or care"

"If I used the word "FUCK" you'd be up in arms"

"FUCK, I'm hungry"

What does it take to get noticed? FORD has hit the sweet spot!

Meanwhile environmentalists are branded terrorists and arrested by the Government.  Greenpeace? They are called pirates and imprisoned. This is hell on earth and there is no way out and that is a tragedy.

Whats up at the World Bank?

The Kipawa- River Chronicles a work in progress

The Kipawa River Chronicals

Tales from the Backwoods to the Urban Jungle

A play about the river and the people who discover it

Act One

The audience sees a porch and doorstep. The vehicle is cut open so that the occupants are visible, its highly stylized. The points of the scene is to given the audience a sense of the playfulness and closeness of the characters to each other. This is the brotherhood of the river.

Scene One

Three thirty something paddlers sit in a sport utility vehicle.  Its six AM but Jim Beamish, honking the horn, is sitting in the driver seat of a Nissan SUV.  Yucie is hollering out the window. The suburban Toronto driveway and townhouse belong to Ray Wong who has yet to appear . Jim, Ally Pringle and Youcie Pokanen have already loaded their kayaks and gear and are anxious to beat the weekend traffic out of the city.  The colorful kayaks sit prominently on the roof along with the paddles.

Youcie:                        Don’t forget your helmet like last time.  You’ll be needing it!  Jacque says there is some class four stuff up there, I talked to him last night.

Ally:                         (snickering in the back seat)  He could always get a farmer to lend him his ATV helmet.  (They all laugh)

Jim:             Yeah, with a full face mask.  MEC’s got one just like it now.  He was stylin’ and didn’t even know it.

(MEC is a retailer of all manner of sporting equipment, Ray’s wife, Doris appears in the doorway.

Doris:             Anybody need more java for the road?

Yucie quickly bails out and hands her his mug.

Yucie:                         Double double please (hands her the travel mug and in one motion gives her a bear hug and a kiss on the cheek.

Doris:                                    Keep an eye out for Ray for me would you?

Yucie:                         What?  Ally and me take turns bailing each other out.  But don’t worry about Ray, he’s a better boater than any of us.  He shot the waterfall on the Oxtongue two weeks ago… ‘sides we’re meeting the guys from Rouyn-Noranda in Fabre.  They’ve been down the Kipawa before.

Doris:            I worry about you guys, couldn’t you just play golf like everybody else?  Or do the lawn maybe?

                        (Doris shrugs him off and leaves for the kitchen and passes Ray on the way out.

Ray:            Oh sure, grass! Barry made some brownies. Here Yucie

(Ray picks up his gear bag and hands it to Yucie.)  

He shoulders his kayak (which is only five feet in length)and tosses it onto the roof of the SUV and starts tying it on.

Jim:                        (Gets out of the SUV) Use the straps on the hood.  Tie into Ally’s grab loops.  I’ll put one right over the top, that should hold.

Ray:                         Yeah, remember when the whole load came off when those  tanker trucks passed us one after the other. First one lifted the nose, the next ripped off  racks and all, like a big sail.  Good thing they didn’t hit anything ..or anybody.

Jim:            You’ll notice the new rack, not that crappy tire stuff.

Ray:             Its not Thule?

Jim:            Yakima!

Ray:            Oh yeah, good choice.

They all pile into the SUV. Doris comes out with Yucie’s coffee, kisses Ray. 

Ray:             We should be back late Sunday night.  There’s no cell coverage up there but I’ll call you as soon I can.

Jim:            Clear?  

All:            All clear.

Yucie:             How much further? I’m hungry!  I gotta go poo!

Jim:            Geez! Only six more hours of this.

Ray:             Here put this on… (Hands CD to Yucie)

The SUV backs out of the scene, as it backs out of the driveway. Doris stands their waving.  The sound of  “Chain of Fools” plays.  The lights dim.

End of Scene one.           

Scene Two

The drive up to the Kipawa finally ends, we see the SUV arriving and the group meets up with their French paddling friends.

Jim:            We should be at the put-in in about five minutes.

Ally:            What did you tell that cop?

Jim:                        I said we were just trying to rendezvous with our friends.  He couldn’t speak English, I couldn’t speak French, so he let me go. He said “plus lentement?” J’ai dit merci beaucoups.

Ray:            Whoa. My ass is sore.  We could have been at the Gauley by now.

Jim:            Stop whining, Jacque said there’s a 90 foot water fall. It’s worth it just for that.

Jim:            There’s his truck. He’s got a couple people with him.

They get out of the SUV and shake hands with Jacque and his three friends Pierre, Francois and Jose.  

Jacque: (With a slight French accent.)

Salut! Time to go boating!  This is Pierre (Shakes hands, Francois, Jose)

They peer over the edge of the bridge. There is a dam below and the water is pouring through both gates.

Ally:             Holy Crapoly, we’re running that?

Pierre:             You go on the left side, see it’s a big slide, then you hit that big wave at the bottom and its all over.

Ray:             All over did you say?  You’ve run this before.

Pierre:             Well no… but you just put in a strong paddle stroke and brace and you’re done.

Ray:             Right...           

The lights fade and the scene reopens in a flash forward to a government office

The scene shifts with a spotlight on  Ray and Jim  in a office. The audience sees Yvon Choinard sitting at his desk. He is short and overweight and appears agitated. He’s looking at a computer screen and watching a video of rafts running the dam at Laniel. The audience sees this on the back screen, kayaks and rafts running the dam at Laniel.

Jim:            So you can see that Les Amis have been using the sluiceway of the dam for kayaks and rafts and we have been doing this for the past 20 years.

There has not been a single injury.

Yvon:             Its not possible, it can’t be done, we cannot allow this. There is a warning boom!

Jim:            Well its not illegal is it?

Yvon:            well no

Jim:            And there haven’t been any accidents in two decades

Yvon:            yes well…

Jim:            And look at the benefits to Laniel, people come up there from all over the world to run the dam. And then there is the rafting business.

Yvon:             Its impossible, we cannot allow this.

Ray:            We know that the dam has to be updated, all we’re asking is that you design it so that we can still use it.

Yvon:             Absolutement non!  we will not allow it! C’est impossible!  Mon Dieu!

Ray:            We have learned that the dam itself was never approved. The dam is illegal!

                        Its been done for forty years. We’ve run the rally for twenty years.

Mr. Choinard, what you don’t seem to appreciate is that Les Amis will have to come after you on this like a swarm of hornets and you’re the one shaking the nest. You won’t like what happens next.

Yvon:            I’m sorry I cannot help you.

Jim:            Is there anything we could do to change your mind.

Yvon:            Why do you have to go there, you have the whole river?

Jim:            Its our right, the law’s on our side this time. We’ll see you in court. Merci Mr. Choinard.

Scene Three

Ray is sitting in his kayak. The kayak is cut so that his feet are sticking through the bottom so that he wears it like a barrel, with suspenders holding it up. The suspenders are hidden under his life vest. He holds a kayak paddle.

The set consists of plastic sheeting and a ramp leading down to a gate, afterwhich is a mesh floor with plastic streamers being blow by a fan, it makes the floor look like white water.

Ray is talking to himself outloud so the audience can hear what is going through his mind.

Ray:             Geez that’s quite a horizon line, it just drops away.

To be continued…

You know what? its good to be "all about whitewater" again. Politics, and economics suck!

 Saving a life during a vertical pin.



http://www.epictv.com/media/podcast/kayaker-trapped-underwater-saved-by-friends-quick-reactions/259155

I  can't say enough about the quality of this rescue. Its a bail out that really works.

Cooperation, recognotion of crisis, quick and decisive action that led to safe resolution.

Just Awesome work.